May. 30th, 2009

*sigh*

May. 30th, 2009 04:30 pm
purpleparadox: (Default)
5 more days until I get to see Bryan again. This is torture. I kinda hope he waits to get a teaching job until I at least finish student teaching. I'm having issues with three weeks - how could I last three months? I just don't function as well without him to bounce ideas off of, to snuggle with, to make sure I'm eating well, and to keep me from panicking over the stupid stuff. I mean, yeah, I'm an independent person, but there's something about his presence that just makes me feel a lot better.

I can't really believe this is happening, considering we freakin' live together, but I'm at that weird point where I doubt that he really exists. It happened two summers ago, when we hardly talked but I was so in love with him, and was miserable because he was over 400 miles away. Did he really ever kiss me, or was it just some funky hallucination? Is that telescope over in the corner his, or is it really mine? Being surrounded by his stuff is more commonplace than it was two summers ago. I had one box of his sweaters and his fi - well, now it's our filing cabinet, and some other assorted stuff. I used to rifle through it just to be surrounded by his stuff, because it was his and it smelled like him. Now all his shirts smell like the laundry detergent we both use, and his pillow smells like me instead of him. I don't even have any dirty Bryan socks laying around, because I did laundry last week. Diving into his shirt drawer won't help me anymore. It's all our stuff, not just his, not just mine. I wonder why I feel this way- I know he has to come back here. I know he's my fiance. But it feels like all that was a good dream. I need him back here. I miss him so much.

I know this is stupid, he'll be back here on Friday night and all will be right with the world. I should stop taking his presence for granted. I got so used to sitting in the bedroom, with him in the living room at the computer, that I just did my own thing, and he did his thing. We hardly spent time with each other besides when we slept. It was dumb of me to let things get like that.

Okay. I'm going to stop rambling. I should probably get off my but at some point and clean. (In all reality I'm probably going to go watch Magic Knight Rayearth, and hope for some more Ferio and Fuu scenes. <3 )

Tweets

May. 30th, 2009 11:34 pm
purpleparadox: (Default)
Beth's day, in a nutshell:

  • 06:50 ugh. last night's alcohol was not a good decision. however, the @rinbunny part was nice #
  • 15:11 @rinbunny haha nice one, rin. ps- i dreamed about you last night. it was hot. ^_~ #
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The Purple Paradox

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