Seriously?

Apr. 30th, 2010 10:28 pm
purpleparadox: (WTF?)
So, my mom told my dad about how we cleaned the house, thinking that he'd be happy that we cleaned the house. Instead, he yelled at her for letting us take things like the train set and one of Mom's paintings. And he got very upset about Mom giving me the ruby ring he gave her the night they... uh... made me. And I think he wants the train and the ring back. Now, the train was something he bought my sister and I when we were kids - it's a Playmobil train, and I think I accidentally broke it shortly after we took it out of the box. I mean, come on, I think I was only six years old. It's not worth nearly as much as he claims he paid for it (he said he paid $270, and eBay says that new, sealed in box, it's worth $212, and ours is nowhere near new, and the box is in nasty condition). Why the hell does he want it, and why did he get mad about it? It's not like I'm going to sell it - most likely, I'm going to set it up around my own Christmas tree. And the ruby ring, I'm going to get repaired and keep it the hell away from Dad. I honestly have nothing that was passed down from him - sure he's not the greatest father, but it'd be nice to have something.

I don't get why he's acting this way, and I don't like it.

Then again, this is the same man that broke into Mom's house to steal her pain medicines. I know this because Mom left me at home one day when I was in high school to catch him trying to sneak into the house. He copied Mom's key while she was at a doctor's appointment, then snuck in the house while he thought Mom and my sister and I were at a dentist's appointment.

Totally unrelated to anything previously mentioned, Bryan and Callie are talking about student teaching. I am borderline panic-attacking just thinking about it. I made it through half of student teaching and with the way it ended, it's a wonder I can even to back to college. It screwed me over so hard. Bryan talks about "oh you can come to my kindergarten room and teach a lesson", and I get sick to my stomach just thinking about it. I don't think he understands.
purpleparadox: (Whaaaat?)
I had some screwed up dreams last night/this morning.

One of which was the usual one my deep subconscious throws at me every month: "oh hay you're on your period, I'm going to make you dream of being pregnant since i know you hate it so much!" Gnaaaarrr. I am deeply afraid of being pregnant. I'm very iffy about bodily functions and I'm never very comfortable in my own body - I can't bear having something grow in me and throw everything I know about myself out the window. (Hell, I'm squicked out about the fact that I'm full of blood and bodily organs. I like to think that I'm filled with Poly-Fil stuffing. And that all my organs are little stuffed representations of the real thing. Scares me a lot less.)

Dream two was just... weird. I was helping Mom clean again, and Ruthie was helping, and we were taking care of some birds. Apparently Ruthie decided that one of the birds wanted to learn how to swim, and I found it trying to keep its head above water in the fish tank. I freaked, pulled it out and dried it off, and then tried to find the cage it belonged in. At one point, while I was trying to find its cage, the bird decided it wanted to cling to me. Like, wrap its wings around my face and cuddle. Okay then! I found its cage eventually, and put it in, and that was that. Then, the scene switches to me being in the back of a car, and there's a bunch of junk in there, and there's a bird cage with two birds in it and some broken eggs. As I watch, one of the birds lays a disgusting looking egg, and I turn away in the dream, but now I can't get that image out of my head. Birds laying rotten eggs. That has to mean something, right? I mean, dreaming of losing teeth means getting money (oddly, the more teeth I lose, the less money I get, but still), dreaming of birds laying rotten eggs must have some strange meaning.

ANYWAY. Today's the last day I'm babysitting for the week, I am happy for this. Means I can go clean out my fish tank, FINALLY. And get some dirt set up in the bottom of it, and the stones too. I'm hoping the pet store has some female bettas or some good looking neon tetras to put in the big tank along with Miss Artemis. Lately she's been swimming around the big plant I dumped in her tank- I think she likes it. I'm amazed it was still alive in Mom's tank- I wonder how long it's just been sitting and growing there.

8 days to my birthday. Bryan said he'd take me out to dinner! I'm going to wear my piano dress, and my fancy headband, and maybe my new white heels.
purpleparadox: (@_@)
I've just been so energyless this week. The only thing that's keeping me going is copious amounts of coffee. Mmm, coffee.

At least I have a break before Web Development tonight, hopefully. (Knowing my luck, Brenda won't get home until closer to five, and I'll only have an hour and a half until class to just sit and be mindless) I have so much stuff that needs doing around the apartment, but the past few mornings I've been downright braindead. I haven't really wanted to do much of anything. The living room is a wreck, the kitchen is a wreck, there's a giant nasty dirty fish tank in the middle of my bathroom... yeah. I need a day to sleep in, take a nap, and just relax. Part of me is really hoping Brenda will call in a few minutes saying "oh, there's an opening at daycare for the afternoon! we don't need you today!" Oh, that'd be lovely. It'd be hell on my paycheck, but I've just been so dead lately.

In other news, I'm going to do some reading up on Buddhism. I've always been fascinated by different religions, and deep down inside there's a part of me that hopes I find one that fits me someday. I bought two books on Buddhism off Amazon as an early birthday present to myself (9 days until my birthday! O_o), and hopefully I'll find them interesting.

*zones out for a few moments, then snaps back to attention* Oh geez. I need more coffee. I think I'll finish this entry up before I start gibbering nonsensically.
purpleparadox: (boop)
It feels like today's gone on forever. It's the second day I've had that started with an emergency (yesterday Mom called me at 7:30 am freaking out because she thought Johanna took her meds, when she actually just put them back where they were, on the bench behind her bedroom door, in a basket, which took her maybe a half hour or an hour to find; today it was Bryan saying "oh hay your tent collapsed under the snow k bye"), and waking up only to dash out into the snow and yank some tent poles loose... yeah, that's not the best way to wake up. At least Tyler behaved himself today, even if he was a little bored because it was too cold to go outside and he didn't have free reign of the house due to the cleaning ladies being there. I've got Friday off, and then that should be it for the days off until the end of June, when the daily babysitting ends. I'm sorta looking forward to summer, it means more petsitting jobs and better weather. I would much rather deal with Tyler's dog some days, all Zoey does is lay around and look at me with those sad eyes. When I pet sit her, the first thing I'm going to do is give the poor doggy a bath - she needs one.

My night, now that I'm home and done with class and work for the day, is being spent listening to a series of podcasts on the history of Rome (sure it may be boring to you, but I'm finding it very interesting, at least the bits I'm absorbing), curled up in the big desk chair wearing pajamas and my mom's old bathrobe. I love this thing - it's heavy terrycloth, and it used to be on the couch for the longest time. Back when we had a couch in the living room, anyway, and not the top bunk of our old bunk beds. Mom used to use it as a blanket, and the dogs would curl up on it. It's good to snuggle up in. Almost like getting a hug from my mom.

I may go to bed soon. Sure, it's not even 8:30 pm here, but I am exhausted.
purpleparadox: (Coffee-head)
Seriously, it's SNOWING outside right now. The weight of the snow collapsed my tent. And is putting a damper on my plans to take Tyler outside for an "expedition". Gaaar. I hate you, Mother Nature. It's too close to my birthday for it to snow!

Yesterday was spent alternately cleaning a fish tank and organizing the living room. I had the day off from babysitting (thank god), so I managed to make a little dent in the mess. Tonight I've got class, though, and I'm pretty sure that when 7 pm rolls around I'm just going to hurry back home, set myself in front of the computer, and mutter about how nasty the weather is.

Oh, I'm jumping on the bandwagon a day late here, but Three Weeks For Dreamwidth! Going to post every day for three weeks, because I love Dreamwidth. I may buy a Dreamwidth coffee mug. I love coffee. I need to drink more coffee. It's too early in the morning.

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The Purple Paradox

February 2011

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