purpleparadox: (Dexter)
I started playing World of Warcraft again! :D

I'm on Garrosh, but I'm considering a realm transfer - I don't really know anyone there, and I'd love to find people to talk to while I play. It was very lonely out there today, wandering around Tarren Mill and finishing some old quests with nobody to talk with. Here's hoping I can either find a good guild to join, or scrape up the money to do a realm transfer.

In other news, Bryan and I had a nice and relaxing day today. In between bouts of gaming (him on Minecraft, me on WoW), we took a walk, winterized our kitchen and bathroom windows, made lunch, and I took a nap while Bry gamed some more. We also went and got Chinese food for dinner - I had some yummy sweet and sour chicken with fried rice, and Bryan had mushu pork. He enjoyed it. :) So, yes, a nice day. I'm still dealing with some weird Wellbutrin side-effects, but they're not too bad. The one thing that really sucks is my lack of appetite - or, more accurately, lack of desire to eat food. I get hungry, but not insistently hungry. Also, I get too sleepy. I'm trying to decide if I should take it in the morning or in the evening - I'll try a few more days of taking it in the morning, and see how it goes. It could just be that I was tired this weekend from dealing with everything during the week. Or it could be whatever Dr. Moose had a blood test done for. Who knows.

Anyhow, I'm going to go watch some more Bones, and relax before work and class tomorrow.
purpleparadox: (Default)
So, Alex was here less than 24 hours! Ah well. He does have a lot of work to do for grad school, and the class he teaches, so it's alright.

I'll admit, the visit was a little awkward. I guess it always is awkward, when an ex boyfriend visits. Bryan was very good about it, though, and I think the guys enjoyed each others company. We talked about wine, video games, and life in general. I tried very hard to be normal. I think I succeeded. We ended up spending last night sitting around, drinking chocolate wine and watching Dexter and talking, and this morning Alex and I went to his favorite diner while Bryan set up for the farmers market, and then all three of us hung out there for a bit. Then, Alex and I came back here because I wasn't feeling too well (stupid Wellbutrin side effects), and then he headed out.

Yeah, I'm back on Wellbutrin, for anxiety and depression. I also had blood drawn yesterday, to check and see if the reason I'm so tired and libido-less is because of my thyroid or some other reason. The medicine is wreaking havoc on my insides, so I'm curled up on the couch, watching the best vampire movie ever - Interview With The Vampire. No sparkles, no werewolves. Just vampires, and Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise. :D

I'm debating on giving up my Saturday shifts at the Levitt Center for good - I really do need the time off to relax. It's so nice to not have to get up and rush to get dressed and dash out the door. I wonder if anyone would be willing to take it...
purpleparadox: (Depressed)
Things haven't been going well the past few days - hence the lack of posts.

Next week I start Latin 2 again. At least that'll keep me busy.

Other than that, I've got nothing for you. Maybe later I'll be more entertaining.
purpleparadox: (Default)
Good morning, internets!

I have more new friends! Welcome to all of you. :D

You don't know just how wonderful it was to wake up this morning and see the sun. I rolled over and looked out Artemis's window and the sun was shining through the curtains. The view out the window by my bed, behind where the computer is, is absolutely beautiful - the side yard is just a field of unbroken snow, and the houses across the street are so pretty. I love Waverly St. I've always wanted to live on this street, and here I am.

Not sure what's going on today. Kit might be going out to Massena, so if she wants me to come with her I'll go.

Last night wasn't a good night, but oh well. I know I'm gonna have good days and bad days, with this evil depression monster. Just gotta deal with things the best I can.
purpleparadox: (Down)
My resolutions for 2010...

- Work out 2/3 times a week. I need to get healthy.
- Track what I'm eating, how much of it, so on and so on. I need to eat better.
- Get my depression under control.
- Write in here once a day. Writing is good therapy, and I also want to get more in the habit of writing. I've been a bit of a failure at my fiction journal. Maybe I'll set aside one day a week for stories.
-Try and make more friends, or at least be more social with the friends I do have.  I know, it's kind-of cheating on this one considering I'm living with one of my best friends, but I do have other friends that I hardly talk to.  I need to get out of my comfort zone, and get better.
- Get a job.  This one needs no explanation.

I'm going to make these my goals to work on for the new year.  I'm going to take this time to myself I've been given and try and make something constructive out of it.

purpleparadox: (Down)
I've come to a realization today- I am a neurotic, screwed up mess who worries about everything and is much too harsh on herself. I screw up too often, I can't even afford to keep myself alive, I freak out over the littlest thing, I take horrible care of myself, and I'm just not worth anyone's time.

And I can't stop being the way I am, no matter how I try.
purpleparadox: (Escaflowne: down)
Maybe it's me being sick, maybe it's because I had a rough day which ended with a student weeping because he had 20 minutes of time out during recess, or maybe it's the depression talking, but I'm seriously wondering if I'm cut out to be a teacher.

Oh, I handled weepy kid pretty well- sure, he kept crying, but I didn't lose it, and that's the important thing, I guess.

But I'm one of the least organized people on the planet. I'm also pretty awkward around kids. I'm irresponsible. I would love nothing better than to just curl up in bed and sleep until 8, read a book all day, and have that be my day.

I had the first of four "triad" meetings, where I sit down with my supervisor and my mentor teacher and we talk about "how I'm doing", and rate things on a 0-3 scale, 0 being "needs work" and 3 being the level of a master teacher.

Well, apparently I'm a master teacher when it comes to dressing myself professionally. Other than that, I'm no better than a student fresh out of their 100 hour observation period. I've been at this for four weeks, and teaching for half the day for two. And my mentor teacher and my supervisor said I've come a long way from where I was when I started, which leads me to believe I was an absolute wreck when I came in. A well dressed wreck, but a wreck nonetheless.

I have maturity issues. I need to learn to shut up when others are talking. I need to be less "calm and soothing" when in front of the class. I need to be more of a disciplinarian. I need to plan better. I need to be more aware of what every student in the class is doing. I need to vary my lessons more. I need to do this that and the other thing. I need to be someone entirely different.

I think I just wasted a lot of money on an education that may end up getting no use at all.

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The Purple Paradox

February 2011

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