purpleparadox: (Poupee Girl)
Well, I survived a second week of classes and work. I'm amazed!

I'm going to work on getting brave enough to wear Loli to work or class. I used to wear it nearly every day in the spring - granted, I didn't wear it to babysitting, and I would get some strange looks in class, but the professors didn't bat an eye. It's half tempting to set up my portable closet in my office in Dunn and hang all my Loli clothes in there, and just change before class.

Speaking of Loli! I bought some theraputic ruffles today. I bought this skirt, this blouse, and this jumperskirt. Bryan will probably give me 'the look' and say "Well, it's your money, dear." I haven't bought anything new since springtime, so I think it's time. I'm hoping to wear the red skirt to the office - not sure if it'll fly, but it looks a lot tamer than my Alice in Wonderland skirt and my puppy skirt. (It should fit better than they do, too.)

Anyway, meme time! I'm going to catch up today and do two. :D

Day 06 - Your Day

I'll tell you about my day yesterday, since my day today is only three hours old. :P

Yesterday, I woke up at 3 am, when Bryan's alarm went off to remind him that he's gotta work the farmers market at 7 in a town two hours away. I rolled over and slept until 6 am, then crawled out of bed, put my bathrobe on, and internetted for two hours. (I also got dressed somewhere in there.) Then, around 8, my friend Michelle came and picked me up for work, and we went to work. Beth Ann was using Michelle's computer when we got there, so we wandered off to get coffee, and then came back and worked all day. It was insane yesterday - I didn't realize we had two events on campus today, so I was doing a lot of extra stuff in addition to my usual answering the phones and charging credit cards. It was busy, but fun. (We've got a triathlon and a piano competition happening on campus right now.) At 3, I finished up at CLEAR and puttered around for 15 minutes before giving up and going to the computer lab to wait for my shift to start. My co-worker, Umer, had the same idea. (I used to be a little afraid and very annoyed with Umer, but now that he's opened up and talks to me, I actually don't mind him too much.) I worked from 4-6 at the computer lab, and Umer talked my ear off the whole time, alternating between telling me about his family and wishing he had money for one of the new iPod Touches. Then, at 6, I went home, dealt with a grumpy Bryan, talked to Michelle online for a little bit, gave up on the internet, and crawled into bed with my iPod and Dexter at 8. I watched the gleefully gruesome misadventures of Dexter for a few hours before I passed out.

And that was my day!

Day 07 - Your Best Friend

I don't know if I have a best friend anymore. I used to. Her name was Rin, and we were very attached to each other. We used to spend lots of time talking to each other online, and sometimes we'd talk on the phone. I think the reason why we started drifting away initially was work and stuff, but when I had some issues with Bryan last summer, she told me I should dump him. I ended up doing exactly the opposite, and she is still of the opinion that he's not good for me, so she stopped talking to me before he and I got married. I'm still bitter about that, honestly. I mean, none of my friends thought Franco was good for me, but they still stuck around, even when I was being really dumb and sticking with him.

I guess the closest I have to a best friend right now is Michelle. We work together, and we're a lot alike - both socially awkward, both into nerdy things, and we both ramble on about random stuff. Michelle would fit in perfectly in my family, eheh. I'm pretty comfortable around her, and she always listens to me, just like I always listen to her. I hope I don't scare her off.


The rest of the days )
purpleparadox: (Oooooo.)
I missed a day yesterday. I was so exhausted by the time I got home that I just showered and crawled into bed.

Day 05 – Your definition of love

Oh lord, this is a tough one. There are many different forms of love, and all of them have different descriptions. I can't begin to give my definition of them all.

I'll put it simply - love is love. I love lots of people in lots of different ways, but that doesn't take away from the fact that love is love.

The rest of the days )

Sorry for the short entry today, guys. I'm just beat.
purpleparadox: (Down)
I am feeling rather antisocial tonight. I just want to crawl under all my blankets and go to sleep. It's very tempting to do that, actually - there's really nothing for me to do here at the office, and it'd be very nice to change into pajamas and curl up under the blankets with a book.

I am so very caffeine deprived right now. I almost fell asleep a little while ago, honestly.

Maybe I should go home.

Day 04 – What you ate today

Hahahahah. Today was one of the least healthy food days I've had in a while. I skipped breakfast, then had a piece of cake for a midmorning snack with my co-worker Michelle. The cake made us both wibbly with the insane amount of sugar in it. Lunch was delayed until 3:30, when I finally got to the ICT office and could microwave stuff - I had Easy Mac and some cheese crackers. For dinner? Poutine fries. (For those who don't know, it's french fries with cheese and gravy on them. SO GOOD.) I needed the comfort food, it's one of those days where I've been overstimulated and just need to hide.

The rest of the days )

Sorry for the short entry today, guys. I'm just beat.

Labor day!

Sep. 6th, 2010 09:25 am
purpleparadox: (Default)
Hooray, no work today! Although all that means is my day starts in the afternoon, instead of the morning. I'm not complaining. :)

I might go hang out in the ICT office for a bit today, I'm not sure. I have some nerdy things to hang up in there, and I don't know why, but I like hanging out there. It's probably because the professors are super cool, and most of my fellow students are awesome. Some of them are a little strange, but that happens, especially in a program that attracts so many nerds.

I can't believe how chilly it is in here. I guess fall finally came, after that one last crazy heat wave.

Day 02 – Your first love

I'm going to take this to mean the first person I realized I was really, truly in love with, and not the first person I said "I love you" to.

Anyhow, my first love, my first real, true love, was Justin. We started dating almost 10 years ago, in the second semester of my freshman year. We were both a mess - we were both dealing with depression, and I was dealing with all sorts of other crap. His mom was the one who took me to my first actual counseling session. We had some really good times, though - there would be days where we'd just sit next to each other and read books. Other times we'd go to the rec park in Malone and go walk the trails with his dog, Buckwheat. One of my favorite memories was when we went out in his dad's old Mustang convertible during the Perseid meteor shower back in 2001, late at night, and pulled over on the side of the road out in the country and just laid back and watched the shooting stars.

I'm glad that after all we've been through, and all the crap I put him through, we're still friends. He actually asked if he could come to my wedding, and I told him "of course you can, silly". Out of all the ex boyfriends I have, he's one of the few that I talk to on a regular basis.

The rest of the days )

30 Day Meme

Sep. 5th, 2010 07:33 pm
purpleparadox: (Fall)
I'm stealing this idea from [personal profile] wyldbutterflies, since it sounds like an excellent way to help all my new friends get to know me. Also, I like memes.

30 Day About Me Meme

Day 01: Introduce Yourself

Oh lordy, I am never good at introducing myself. I always start with "My name is Beth", and then start rambling about something nonsensical, like nerdy things or stupid random things that happened to me. Only once has that actually gotten me a friend.

So, I'll approach this in a different way!

My name is Beth. I'm 28 years old. I'm recently married, to a wonderful man named Bryan. He puts up with my craziness. I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder when I was 16, and anxiety when I was 18. I also have other health problems, but they don't impact me nearly as much as the depression crap. I name my electronics - my desktop is Kitra 2 (Kitra 1 was an HP Pavillion that died a spectacular death a few years ago), my laptop is called Silver, my old laptop is named Snowball, my iPod is named Touchie, and my eBook reader is simply named Book. I get funny looks when I refer to my electronics by name. I am territorial, I sleep with a security blanket, I dress in Gothic Lolita sometimes, and I am addicted to coffee.

I like anime and manga and video games, but I'm nowhere near as rabidly fangirly as I used to be. I still have one hell of a Sailor Moon collection, though, and I'm proud of still being a fan 13 years after I discovered the show. I like to read fantasy novels, and I absolutely love Anne Bishop's works. She is the only author I'm a hardcore fan for - I own every novel she's written. I absolutely love the Ace Attorney series of games for the Nintendo DS - I plan on owning every single game in the series someday. (I am one game short of my goal - apparently it's hard to find Apollo Justice anywhere.) I used to be absolutely obsessed with Princess Peach, and have dressed as her for Halloween twice.

I go to graduate school and I work. I am in the MSEd: Educational Technology Specialist program, and I work three jobs - as a graduate assistant at the Center for Lifelong Education and Recreation, a computer lab supervisor at the Levitt Center, and as an unpaid graduate assistant at the Information and Communication Technology office (or whatever the hell we're calling ourselves, now that we've merged with Computer Science - I don't care, so long as they don't take my office away). I've found that keeping myself very busy keeps me from wallowing in depression. You should have seen me last fall, when my only obligation was to show up to Levitt two nights a week. I was a mess. All I did was drink coffee, lay on the couch, and work on my NaNoWriMo novel.

I'm trying to get more active and lose some weight - I tend to eat junk food when I'm stressed, and I've recently banned myself from eating anything that comes from a vending machine. Also, working out keeps the depression away, which is nice. I am also trying to write in my journal daily - it helps keep me sane. Welcome to my life. I hope I haven't scared anyone off yet.

The rest of the days )
purpleparadox: (Beth)
I've made a lot of new friends in the past 24 hours. Which is pretty awesome, I think. I have no problem with new friends! It gives me even more motivation to post more often.

I'm trying to think of the best way to introduce myself to the new people. I suppose directing everyone to the about me tag might work, even though there's some ridiculous old stuff under that tag too. But it's still who I was and who I am, so yeah. If anyone's uncomfortable with it, they can feel free to leave.

But anyway, yeah. Welcome to the insanity. Make yourself at home.

an updated about me, since the last 'about me' post was over a year ago )
purpleparadox: (feeling lost)
I'm not sure this post has much of a direction besides the fact that for the first time in a very long time, I have lived someplace longer than three or four months. It's actually been almost a year since Bryan and I moved into our apartment, and while he just moved back and forth between school and home for all of his college career, I've... been everywhere, I guess.

It started in 2000- my mom kicked me out a few months shy of my high school graduation. I lived with Joe the Jackass (who will get his own post later on when I have the heart to relive all that crap again) at his mom's house. We shared his room, with a curtain down the middle so he didn't peep while I changed clothes. (But that didn't stop him from trying.)

Anyway, I lived there for four months, then went back to Mom's for three, and then to college. A dorm room shouldn't really count as a permanent home, but since all my worldly belongings were stuffed into one half a dorm room... I guess Bowman Hall 2012 (and later 3011) was home to me. 2012 was my home for fall 2000, and 3011 was home for spring '01. (Three months in each place, pretty much, with couch surfing inbetween semesters) Summer '01 was spent in a crappy two room apartment in a scary part of Malone, a town an hour away from here. Then back to Potsdam, and I went through three different dorm rooms in one building during the course of the school year (thanks to two psycho roommates). More of the same once I flunked out in '02- Mom's for the summer, another crappy apartment in Malone for 5 months, a less crappy apartment after that for another five months.

This brings us up to fall of 2003, which starts us on a rollercoaster of different living situations. September was the last month I spent in Malone, in my little two story apartment on Webster St., which I still miss. October had me moving in with Joe the Jackass. Mid-November, half starved and sexually abused, I moved into a women's shelter. Stayed there for a month, then moved to my friend Sarah's for three weeks, then in January it was off to California to get away from Joe. (I was in a really bad state, and needed to get as far away from the problem as I could. I figured it'd be too much effort for Joe to follow me across the country.) I spent a month and a half in Antioch with Mikey, another month in San Jose with Mikey, and then a month or so at Sarah and Blain's in Santa Clara. Around April, Mom got worried about me and had dad buy me a ticket home. Spent May at Mom's, June at Keri's, July and August at Camp Talooli, and September through December in Van Housen Hall at college again.

So that's... 12 different places in just one year! You can see where I'm thrilled about being in one place for more than a few months.

Granted, after I started college again, I didn't move around so much - mostly between dorm buildings, and I did spend one summer in Geneva, NY - which was interesting, to say the least. But other than that, I've just bounced from apartment to apartment to dorm room to apartment up here in Potsdam, and noplace has ever really felt like home. I hadn't had chances to put down roots in any specific living situation before they were ripped up and planted someplace else.

It's very nice to know that it's May and I don't have to hunt down all the boxes I can possibly find, and scramble to pack during the next week. It's nice to have a finals week where I don't have to hunt through trash bags full of clothes to find something to wear. It's wonderful to be able to plod to my own bathroom in the middle of the night without worrying about running into skeezy people (either in the shared apartment like on Bay St., when sketchy guy Nick lived there, or when living in the dorms) and without worrying about the bathroom being gross. It's amazing to know that I can have another summer with my little back porch and the little flower patch in the backyard.

I know I probably won't live here forever, but good lord it's nice to have someplace to call home.
purpleparadox: (Two different people)
I may as well get into this, since even though he's not a part of my life anymore, he still pisses me off. And this leads into the Bryan part of my life, too. Warning: this is a Wall Of Text.

(Also, entry is protected because I'm paranoid of Franco's crazy girlfriend finding it like she found my last Franco rant, and proceeded to tell me that I must rant about him because I still love him. Hahahahah. That makes about as much sense as my hours getting cut at Curves because I'm not trained.)


There's a reason I call him Stupidhead. )
purpleparadox: (Default)
Well, I've already gone over my family, so I guess it's my turn to stand in the spotlight.

Cut because this could get long. )
purpleparadox: (Default)
In case anyone was curious as to what I look like...

Photobucket
That's me. Shaggy brown hair, glasses, almost-always flushed cheeks, and chocolate brown eyes.

In other news, I worked on some punch embroidery today, cleaned the kitchen, and watched Bryan clean out his camping backpacks. I also cleaned Artemis' fish tank, which was... an undertaking. (I renamed the fish because she loves to hunt down her dinner and nom on it ferociously, so I named her Artemis after the Greek goddess.) I managed to suck out almost all the water with the fishy vacuum, which wasn't my original intent. Thank god I took Artemis out and put her in her fishy cup, and had Bryan keep an eye on her while I cleaned her tank. I spent a good chunk of the afternoon outside, too, after the ordeal with the fishtank. We cooked out on the grill for dinner, and went out for ice cream afterwards. All in all, a wonderful day.

Now I'm gonna go settle in front of the TV and watch... something... while I punch embroider.
purpleparadox: (Default)
Edit: HAHAHA, I am a durr. I went to see if I could just show this to people who subscribe to me, just in case my younger sister stumbles across this (I'm so paranoid!), and I accidentally ended up deleting the entry. Oi vey. Let's try this again.

I figure my family is a good place to start the detailed entries. My issues and experiences with my family have contributed a lot to who I am, and I think it might be good for everyone to know where I'm coming from. (Also, for those of you who enjoy trainwrecks, this is for you - my family is so fucked up it's ridiculous.)

Read more... )
purpleparadox: (nani?)
I'm thinking of doing a series of more in-depth posts about myself, who I am and what I've been through - that way, I can direct people who are curious to these posts so I don't have to explain things over and over again. I don't want to end up boring my readers, though. So, who thinks this would be a good idea? Who'd rather not read it? I'm pretty sure that DW is going to be my permanent journaling home, and I'd like to have a good... erm, foundation, set up, hahah. edit: I tried to make a poll, but it didn't come out. Oh well. Comment with your answers, my wonderful readers! :D
purpleparadox: (oh my!)
I figure I may as well post this, though, since just about all my friends here are people who have no idea who I am.

Anyhow, I'm 26 years old, and I'm in grad school. I'm working on my Masters of Science in Teaching, concentrating in elementary ed, and between grad school and work... well, that's just about all my life right now. I barely even have time for homework most nights. I was in a sorority, as most of you may have gathered from one of my recent posts, haha. I don't really have much of a life outside of classes and work, which is sad, but I've gotta get through grad school. I've got the internet, and it's easier for me to get in touch with people here than it is to hunt people down in real life. I'm just about always in front of a computer.

I work two jobs, one of which I love, one of which I'm not too thrilled with right now. The one I love is my grad assistant position at my college, in the Student Success Center. My boss is awesome, the work is fun and interesting, and I get to see a lot of different people. My other job is as a fitness technician at a rather poorly managed Curves. If you've read some of my older entries, you'll have noticed that my hours were cut for some nonsense reason, and I'm honestly thinking of quitting the job and trying to find something different. I know I'm going to lose the job come summer, because two of the techs teach during the school year and get mega hours at Curves during the summer. I hope I can find some other work.

I'm engaged, to a wonderful man named Bryan. We've been together nearly 2 years, and engaged for just over one year. Our wedding is going to be next August, and I'll probably talk about wedding stuff now and then - I may create a filter for that, so people who don't really want to read about the wedding don't have to.

I deal with depression and anxiety, but I'm on meds for it, so it's nowhere near as bad as it could be. (And trust me, it's been bad in the past.) It's one of the reasons it took me eight years to finish my bachelor's degree. I've been struggling with it in grad school as well, but I'm trying desperately to hold myself together so I can finish by December.

I used to be huge into a few fandoms, but with grad school kicking my ass like it is, I haven't had much time for anything. I manage to write a little fanfiction for Sailor Moon and the Black Jewels series, and I draw sometimes, but that's about it. I miss being a rabid fangirl. :(

Anyhow, that's the lowdown on me. Hope I haven't scared anyone off now. And I promise this is the last you'll hear from me today, haha.

Meme time

Apr. 19th, 2009 11:29 am
purpleparadox: (Default)
Swiped this meme from [personal profile] mochi .

Comment on this post. I will choose seven interests from your profile and you will explain what they mean and why you are interested in them. Post this along with your answers in your own journal so others can play along.


1. electric light orchestra:  Electric Light Orchestra is a band from the 70s and 80s that I really love.  They're technically classic rock, but some people have classified them as classic pop, and I can see where that comes from.  I love their music- it reminds me of sunny days in the summer and happy things.

2. greek mythology:  I am a Greek mythology nut.  In undergrad, I was an art history major with a concentration in classical studies, and my love for Greek mythology comes from my love of Greek sculpture and vase painting.  My favorite Greek goddess is Athena (we have a statue of her Roman incarnation, Minerva, on my college's campus), and I love The Odyssey (and to a lesser extent, the Iliad).

3. the black jewels series:  The Black Jewels series is a series of books done by my absolute most favorite author, Anne Bishop.  It takes everything you were told about Hell, Satan, demons, and the underworld, and throws it out the window.  The story revolves around the High Lord of Hell, Saetan SaDiablo, his two sons Daemon and Lucivar, and his adopted daughter Jaenelle.  It's an amazing fantasy series that spans seven books (I'm currently on book two, in my umpteenth re-read of the series), and I urge anyone who likes darker fantasy stories to give it a try.

4. clive barker:  I love Clive Barker.  His stories keep me up all night, reading.  I haven't watched any movies he's done, or read much of his works besides the more fantasy-ish ones, but I love him.  He's an amazing artist, too, and I love the illustrations he did for the Abarat books.  (I wonder if he's written any more for that series.)

5. rush:  One of my favorite classic rock bands.  I got to see them live in concert back in 2002, and oh it was wonderful.  Even if we were stuck up in the balcony behind six rows of box seats.  It was one of the last concerts I got to see with my best friend Justin's father, before he passed away a few years ago, and one of many concerts that Justin and I saw while we were still close.  (I have an interesting relationship with Justin, but that's another story for another day.)

6. phoenix wright:  Phoenix Wright, Ace Attorney.  Oh man, he is awesome, even if he is a goofball.  Phoenix Wright is one of the main characters in the Ace Attorney series for the Nintendo DS.  These games get you thinking, and it's lots of fun trying to prove that the bad guy is really the good guy.  I think my love for Phoenix Wright comes from my love of crime dramas.

7. sera myu:  Sailor Moon musicals.  I think that's all I need to say on that. XD

(or maybe not- for those who don't know, Sailor Moon is a once popular anime series that was huge in Japan, and sorta popular here.  Japan's love for Sailor Moon was so insane that they started doing musicals in 1993, after the first season of the show was done.  The musicals ran longer than the show did- the anime ran for 5 years, while the musicals ran for 11.)

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