Sep. 19th, 2010

purpleparadox: (Depressed)
For some reason, I feel very embarrassed talking about this. I have to get it out somehow, though, and I think I'd be even more embarrassed bringing this up to my one real-life friend (Michelle), so you guys get to deal with me. Yaay.

To put it bluntly and short, I think I might have Asperger's Syndrome.

It would explain a hell of a lot about why I am the way I am. I suck at normal conversations and social interactions. I focus too much on random and obscure stuff, to the exclusion of things I should be worrying about. (Do you need to know something about Sailor Moon? I can give you the birthdays of half the characters, and tell you the original air dates of each season, and tell you all about how they cut so much out of the American version and what they cut out, but ask me about classwork, like Flash, and I'll give you a blank stare.) I have to stick to my morning and evening routines or I get really out of whack. (Each morning, I get up, take my blanket and put it on my chair, go get a cup of coffee, and surf the internet until 7:30, when I get dressed. I talk to Bryan, and we get ready together - even his being gone on Friday mornings throws me off. At night, I retrieve my blanket from where I left it on my desk chair, read or watch TV in bed, and then burrow under said blanket in a very specific way and sleep - if the blanket is gone, there is no way in hell I can sleep) I can't make friends for shit. I just don't know how to relate to people in real life.

I almost want Asperger's to be the answer to all that's wrong with me, because then it will have a label. Then, I can say "oh, it's because of this" and not feel like such a horrible, miserable failure of a human being.

I'm going to see if I can meet with Dr. Moose this week and bring it up with him - he's my usual doctor at Student Health Services. I really hope he doesn't laugh me out of his office. I don't know what I'd do then. I don't know where else to go.

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The Purple Paradox

February 2011

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