Aug. 29th, 2010

purpleparadox: (Weeeeeellll...)
I can't believe it's been ten years since I started college. Ten years since I took my first trip up to Potsdam, all optimistic about college and making friends and classes and everything.

It feels like everything's changed while nothing has changed.

I mean, the town is essentially the same - downtown looks a lot nicer than it did ten years ago, there's a lot less derelict and empty storefronts. We actually have a decent grocery store. We have a friggin' Walmart. Bay Street has not changed one bit, either, although there's no crazies living at 14 Bay anymore (thank god!), and they finally painted over the "PLEASE CLOSE DOOR" on 38 Bay, one of the places I used to live in. Campus is a lot different, though. They've torn out the original courtyard to the Student Union and completely redone it. They stuffed a cafe in the library. They gutted the Greenery and turned it into Becky's Place At Pratt Commons (or whatever the hell they call it now). There are computers in classrooms other than the ones in Kellas.

But nobody really cares about the town, the college, I don't think.

I'm looking at myself, though, and seeing how much I changed. I never really notice it until I look back on things I'd written in the past, or how I acted, and think about just how stupid I was. I've matured a lot, which is surprising to me. My work ethic is a lot better. When I held my first campus job, I thought nothing about skipping work and classes. Now, I'm working 39 hours a week and going to 12 credit hours worth of classes. I am also a lot less... stupid in relationships, I guess you could say. I'm not even going to get into my escapades during my first two years of college, but I will say I've settled down a LOT, considering I did just get married.

I think I need to finish my graduate degree and get out of this town. Only then will I truly feel like an adult, I think. Only then will I feel like I've finally made something of myself. The more I stay here, the more worthless I feel. This town leeches the life out of you if you stay longer than four or five years.

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The Purple Paradox

February 2011

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